Fucking Stupid Executive Meddling. Also, Xanatos Gambits

Let's take a moment to talk about Scoundrels.

Scoundrels is a TV show on ABC this summer. Or ABC family, I don't know. Nor am I sure there's even a difference. Whatever. Scoundrels is a remake of a New Zealand TV show called Outrageous Fortune. Outrageous Fortune is fucking amazing. I would have Outrageous Fortune's babies.

Scoundrels is absolutely terrible.

I hate to say this, because I was really hoping it would be good and maybe a longer run would be ordered and more people would understand the amazing of Outrageous Fortune, because people would figure out Scoundrels was a remake of it. Outrageous Fortune just started its sixth season so it obviously has some staying power in New Zealand. Americans can't be that much different. Except apparently being stupid because everything in Scoundrels has been dumbed down from OF.

Now, some things don't transfer and they've done their best. For example, the Maori in New Zealand have a very protected status, and replacing them with Native Americans seems a little unrealistic and awkward, given how Maori are shown to be treated in OF. There was really no alternative, though, so I've kinda given them a bye on that stuff. However, there's no reason not to portray Loretta Hope as the twisted, conniving, crazy-smart bitch she is in the original. There had to be a better actor out there for Wolf, who in the original was sexy and powerful and, well, kindof like a wolf (fun fact: the actor was cast as a werewolf, Coot, in True Blood) and commanded every single scene he was in. In Scoundrels, he's pretty much no more interesting than a piece of furniture, especially compared to the other leads.

The only really competent actors are those playing Cheryl and Heather (whose name was Pascalle in the original). These two characters are improved (somewhat) from the original because the actors actually made the roles their own. Van Cal is a little different as well, but Jethro Logan is a complete copy of the original, move for move, inflection for inflection, which is even more ridiculous and painful than it sounds, because the New Zealand accent has a much different rhythm and music from the American one. They say "hello, dad" on a completely different pitch from us, so copying even the inflection makes it forced and unnatural, and it's just bad acting because some things that the original actor made work, this one can't.

Here's a quote from the most recent episode of Outrageous Fortune to illustrate some awesome. The conversation is between Loretta, whose name is Hope in Scoundrels, and Hayden, who she had a kid with and married and is trying to divorce. Hayden hasn't showed up in Scoundrels because he didn't become a part of OF until the second season. And because they've completely fucked up Hope/Loretta's character so that this plot line wouldn't really work, but.

Loretta: Thank you for reminding me what an idiot I was marrying you just to piss off my mother! *storms around the car*
Hayden: No, you married me because you love me.
Loretta: *loud disgusted noise, gets in the car*
Hayden: Yeah, well, half the stains being cleaned off the living room carpet tell me a very different story, Loretta!
Loretta: Ugh, don't be gross, Hayden! *fastens seatbelt*
Hayden: And as I remember, red wine wasn't the only thing that went over the back of the sofa.
Loretta: You are a sad, sick man! *starts backing out of the driveway*
Hayden: Hey, do you have any idea how difficult it is to get wax out of a carpet?
Loretta: It's not my fault you enjoy pain! *still backing out*
Hayden: Why else would I be with you?
Loretta: You're not with me. *driving off*
Hayden: *shouting after her* But I will be because you love me! Maybe not right now but you will!

It loses a lot in just being transcribed but UGH. No words for my love.

So. Ranting about television shows aside.

I have a plan for the books I'm writing. It's a series of probably five. In the last book, there is going to be a Thirty Xanatos Pileup. For the link-phobic, a Xanatos Gambit is when someone, usually a bad guy, sets things up so that any outcome will benefit you. Some very simple examples would be:

- place something obvious and something subtle that have the same function, so that the person trying to foil you will get rid of the obvious thing and feel like they've outsmarted you, while you still have the subtle thing in place.
- suggest a plan to your rivals that would benefit all of you. Either the plan will succeed and you come out ahead, or the hero will foil them, eliminating those people as rivals.
- set someone a task. If they succeed, the task is completed. If they don't, you can eliminate them as punishment for failure, or they will die in the attempt. Either way, a third party is punished. There's a good example of this in Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince, with Voldemort, Draco, and Lucius.

A Thirty Xanatos Pileup is when many (often all) of the characters have their own individual Xanatos Gambits happening, oblivious to the others. Usually, these all end up crashing into each other at once. A good example is the third Pirates of the Caribbean movie.

So. The final book will have a Thirty Xanatos Pileup and somehow this can be bypassed with this one act and it's essentially all a setup for this line:

Eli held his hands up. "Wait, wait." He looked at Brenna. "Did you just think of a way to hack magic?"
"I did," she said, looking pleased with herself.

The thing is, I'm not a very political person. I probably couldn't come up with a Xanatos Gambit if I tried, in real life. So it's not easy to write. And it's even less easy to find a way for all of these plots to interact in some horribly tangled way. But I guess that's because beyond the two leads, I don't know who's still going to be a character. I don't know whose motivations will be what, what the state of the world they live in will be, how the hell she's going to know about the method up there that prompts the phrase "did you just hack magic" (I know what the method is, but not how she's going to come up with it).

Speaking of which, I'm onto the second book now. I'm nearing 20,000 words. It's going much better than the last book and will probably be stronger. I'm actually able to write in a linear way, now that I'm more or less discovering the plot as it moves instead of knowing what it is and trying to fit it into a framework. I know the plot of the third book, too, so who knows how that's gonna go.

Perhaps there should be flow charts.